god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
