She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
