I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
