I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
