don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
