well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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