Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
