This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
