i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize