Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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