They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
