so explain again why im purple
no
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize