In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
