After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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