Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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