so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize