You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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