Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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