like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
