so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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