Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
