i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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