Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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