Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
