you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
