You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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