I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Randomize
