Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
