Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
