the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
