I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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