WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
