Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize