No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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