Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize