Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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