farters have to be the big spoon...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
