I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
