when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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