Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
