do herpes really smell.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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