Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
