Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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