are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
