It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
