I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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