I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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