I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
