just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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