You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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