This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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