I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
