My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
