i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
