Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
