Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
