it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
