You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
