Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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