I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
