I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
