Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize