its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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