who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
