You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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