Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
