Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
