One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
