Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
