I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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