Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
