Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
