remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
